raise your hand if you are scared shitless about the future yet couldn’t care less at the same time
i picked up my phone and started using the light from my phone to look for my phone
did you find it
- my 18 year old brother while standing in the ocean: there's so much water
Twinkle twinkle little slut
Name a guy you haven’t fucked.
Was he skinny?
Was he tall?
Nevermind you did them all.
Twinkle twinkle little bitch
Close your legs it smells like fish.
Twinkle twinkle little shit
Try to think of this a bit:
Does it affect
You at all
Who has sex or none at all?
No it doesn’t, little shit,
Shut your fucking mouth you twit.
I would be an awful parent. My kid would say “I don’t wanna go to school I just wanna sleep” and I’d probably get in bed with them and say “I feel you”
"why weren’t you at school today"
"my mum feels me"
So my name is Joey White and I’m a very pasty pale British white guy at uni overseas. So I was introducing myself and this guy from Nigeria goes “Hi, I’m Joseph” so I said, “I’m a Joseph too! Joseph White.” Then he looked me in the eye and said in a dead serious tone “I’m Joseph Brown” and we nearly died.
Don’t you feel some tension over here .. ?
"I miss you”
Is the nicest text you can receive
"i bought a monster truck"
"I have too much money you can have it"
"I got you pizza"
"tom hiddleston is driving to your house right now"
"tom hiddleston had too much money and so he’s driving to your house in a monster truck with a pizza that he got for you"
"…because he missed you."
still the same opinion ?
"how am i supposed to explain gay sex to my child when they see two men kissing in public?"
buddy if the first thing your child asks when they see a couple is “how do they have sex?” then you have an entirely different problem from the one you think you have